• "Learn to point the finger. If people are giving you the thumbs down on your outfit, simply pass the buck, 'Yes, I know… isn't it hideous! The designer should be ashamed of himself.'"

  • "Sometimes fashion can damage your credibility: nobody wants a colonoscopy performed by some chick in a Comme des Garcons hump dress or a Cavalli sequined unitard."

  • "I like my politicians-and their wives-to be frumpy and frowzy. They must deny themselves any fashion indulgences so that the rest of us can be flossie flosssie and fabulous."

  • "As you get older make sure your eye-wear gets larger. Think Yoko Ono! Think Swifty Lazar! By the time I am 80 I want to be Mr McGoo."

  • "Ditsy jewelry is annoying and unacceptable. Rocks and gems should be emphatic: e.g., turquoise. It’s bold, it’s chunky, it’s bohemian–even if you’re not. It has many moods and magic properties including, some say, the power to protect a rider from a falling off a horse."

Simon on Slate

March 27, 2015

Charm Offensive #4

A cheap and cheerful guide to domestic charm.

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Simon on Slate

March 26, 2015

Charm Offensive #3

In search of cubicle chic.

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Simon on Slate

March 25, 2015

Charm Offensive #2

Advance your personal style from abject to alluring.

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Simon on Slate

March 24, 2015

Charm Offensive #1

How to become an intensely interesting interlocutor.

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Simon on Slate

March 23, 2015

Charm Offensive

Reviving interpersonal elegance in a Snapchatty age

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Simon on Slate

February 23, 2015

The Oscars: A Night of Shilling and Shopping.

Lady Gaga’s gloves deliver a message of hope.

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Simon on Slate

December 10, 2014

Enough With the Red and Green

Adopt a new color scheme for this year’s holiday gifts and décor: black-and-white stripes!

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Simon on Slate

November 24, 2014

Shocked? Shocked!

How to cause a scandal in a transgressive age.

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Simon on Slate

October 26, 2014

Notes on Fringe: Hippie fashion is back for men. Is that a good thing?

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