Having no desire to get eaten by a hyena or to concertina my vertebrae while attempting to parkour across Manhattan, I found myself scraping the barrel for some meaningful bucketlistobilia. After hours of brain-ransacking, and a long one-way conversation with my dog Liberace, I managed the following meager assemblage:
First and foremost I would like, before I die, to nuke the blotch of toe-nail fungus which afflicts my right big toe and which has proven resistant to every product on the market. Out damned spot!
Second, I would like, one sunny day, to run up to the Russian Embassy, knock on the door and shout, “Hello! Is Len in?”
And lastly I would like to go shopping at Forever 21. For some reason this fashion discount outlet features on many teen bucket lists online, and I want to find out exactly why. One day I will walk proudly through the doors and … (gurgle, gurgle, death-rattle) … too late!